The Smelliest Cheese in the World

This children’s book is FREE from Smashwords here.

Mr Smelleigh’s great, great grandfather arrived from France with no money but a recipe for smelly cheese tucked in his sock. He built the famous cheese factory that Mr Smelleigh now runs. The cheese is so smelly that it makes cars break down and flowers wilt. But it’s so delicious that nobody minds.
Mr Smelleigh is sure that his cheese is the smelliest thing in the world. He’s so sure that he tells people he’ll eat his pet skunk if he finds something that’s even smellier.
So when Stanley comes along, wearing a pair of socks that he’s worn all week, including in bed, is Mr Smelleigh in for a shock? What else lies in store for him? Will he still be making Smelleigh’s smelly cheese after Stanley’s visit?

Read the story, laugh, and find out!

I wrote this story after visiting the famous Rochefort cheese factory during a holiday in France, many years ago!


Here’s an excerpt:

Chapter 1   Smelleigh’s Smelly Cheese

Mr Smelleigh was a very happy man. He had a nice house and a big, shiny car. He adored Mrs Smelleigh and she adored him. There were three little Smelleighs and they were amazingly good children. They helped round the house, they always did their homework and they were never, ever rude to anyone. (Remember, this is just a story!).

But what made Mr Smelleigh happiest of all was his factory. It was a huge factory. It took up half the town. And it was no ordinary factory. It made something very, very special indeed. It made — THE SMELLIEST CHEESE IN THE WORLD!

Of course, there were a few drawbacks to making the smelliest cheese in the world. For a start, it was very smelly. In fact, it was horribly, revoltingly, terrifyingly smelly. Everyone in the factory wore pegs on their noses. Most of the townspeople did too. And the people who lived in the villages close by. But they could all still smell the cheese.

Another problem was mice. They didn’t mind the smell. They didn’t mind it at all. They loved it. Mice came from miles around to try and eat the smelly cheese in the cheese factory. They got everywhere — in cars, in buses, in beds, in bags, in shoes, in cupboards, in hats, in gardens. You name it and there was probably a mouse in it!

Except the cheese factory. There were no mice in there. Mr Smelleigh employed three cat handlers. They looked after a hundred cats each. The cats patrolled around the factory all day and all night catching any mice who got too close. There was also a mouse warden who rounded up any mice she found. But she couldn’t bring herself to hurt any of them (she thought they were rather sweet) so she drove them off into the countryside and let them go. Of course, they all came straight back so the mouse warden was always busy.

But back to Smelleigh’s Cheese. You wouldn’t think it was smelly to look at it. It was a beautiful, creamy pink sort of colour. It was diamond shaped, just to be different. It had black speckles all through it. It looked harmless enough. But golly, did it smell!

It’s hard to describe the smell. It was a combination of goats, school dinners, your granny’s perfume and your brother’s socks. Actually, better add your dad’s and uncle’s socks too. Mix those all together, leave them for a week in a hot sunny spot and the result is the smell of Smelleigh’s Famous Smelly Cheese. Each individual cheese smelled that strong so the combined effect of millions and millions of cheeses was truly awe inspiring. It made paint peel off the walls. It made flowers and trees wilt. It made dogs howl. It made cars break down. At the very least, it made your eyes water and your stomach churn.

But people loved the cheese! It was world famous. In fact, it was the most famous cheese in the world. It was even more famous (and far more smelly) than Gorgonzola or Roquefort cheese. Mr Smelleigh exported his cheese to just about everywhere — from Alaska to Zanzibar, from north to south, from east to west. It was rumoured that even Santa Claus put in a regular order for Smelleigh’s Famous Smelly Cheese.

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