Jokes for Writers

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell. He decided to check out each place first. As he went down into the fiery pits of hell, he saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped.

“Not good,” said the writer. “May I see heaven now please?”

Up in heaven, he saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped.

“Hang on,” said the writer. “This is the same as hell!”

“No, it’s not,” came a voice. “Here, your work gets published!”

A panda walks into a bar. He orders a drink and a meal. When he’s finished, he pulls out a gun and shoots a waiter, then turns to go. The barman shouts: “Hey, why did you do that?”

“I’m a panda,” replies the panda. “Look it up.” Then he goes.

The barman pulls out a dictionary and looks up ‘panda’. He reads: Asiatic mammal. Eats shoots and leaves.

A woman went to a bookstore and asked the salesman, “Where’s the self-help section?”

He answered, “If I tell you, it will defeat the purpose.”

What’s the difference between publishers and terrorists?

You can negotiate with terrorists.

Some good books:
French Overpopulation by Francis Crowded

Fallen Underwear by Lucy Lastic

The French Chef by Sue Flay

Look Younger by Fay Slift

Neither a Borrower Nora Lender Bee